Intentional Hap
by HugeColorLove
Summary: A story, where everything is simply too complicated, and where everything happens randomly, yet everything is done on purpose; where you can never know who is your friend and who is not, and when you are down, who will be standing beside you and helping you up, and who will leave you for their own good... It's a world of lies and truth, where the only question is: who will break?
1. Prologue

**Hey dear readers! Here comes my new story, which is probably way more realistic than what the others were before, and even though there aren't that many people who's reading fanfics now, I wanted to show you this anyway, and we will see how many views will it have when I finish it (and probably its sequel, 'cause I already know what will happen in each chapter – I've never been this confident with any of my stories, haha). I already talked about this story in one of my other stories' A/N, so I think it's not a big surprise, and I hope you'll like this one, too :) Anyway, I don't own Victorious.**

"Do you have everything?" Jade asked impatiently as she sat on the edge of my bed, waiting for me to finish packing my things up into my suitcase. I sighed and closed its lid, then sat down next to her.

"Yes, I do. Happy?" I asked back smilling, when she moved closer to me and gently took my hand.

"Happy." she whispered and immediately kissed me on the lips, then slowly pushed me backwards to make me lay on my back, so that she could be on the top of me.

So, that was me: the 25-year-old, mature Beck Oliver, who was packing his things up, because he was going to London, to his cousin's house for a week, and Jade West, his girlfriend lived with him. I don't say I didn't have a perfect life, because I did, all I could wish for was there to me: a nice, comfy flat in Los Angeles, good connection with my closest relatives, the perfect girlfriend and an awesome job as an actor. Yet I was still unhappy for some reason, maybe the fact that I could barely meet my old, high school friends, who used to be just as close to me as my family. But that problem got solved really fast... anyway, it's a long story – and I'm basically telling you this right now.  
"Why do you have to leave me?" she asked sadly, but I could recognize that flirtatious tone in her voice, what she used to speak in when she wanted something.

"It's only two weeks at my cousin's house, and you know that very well. It's not even a big deal, Jade." I replied, and she almost cut me off as she pressed her lips against mine again. I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy the perfection of my life at the moment, but her envy towards my cousin, Amanda, bothered me pretty much. I didn't get why was she jealous, since Amanda was my cousin, my _relative_, not a strange girl, who I could fall in love with – and I wouldn't, even if I met one. I wouldn't cheat on Jade, I loved her and I was glad she was my girlfriend.

"I know, but I will miss you." she said between two kisses as she started to unbutton my shirt.  
"I already miss you." I smiled, what made her stop for a moment. She propped herself on her arms on both sides of me, and she looked back at me smilling. Her cold eyes and pale skin made a really strong contrast with her pitch black hair which fell into her face, and it slightly tickled my face, too, but I didn't care. It felt like the time froze and only the two of us existed, until my phone started to ring in my pocket. I sighed as she rolled off of me groaning, but I picked my phone up anyway.

"Yes?" I asked, and I sat up on the bed.

"Hey! It's me, Amanda. When is your plane going to come? It's already 8 PM here." she said on her childish voice. She kind of reminded me of Cat – I sometimes wondered how were my old friends' life going. I haven't heard of any of them in any magazines or in the news, but I hoped they all were fine and happy, even if they didn't become a famous actor, actress, singer or songwriter.

"Amanda, I'm coming only tomorrow. Did you forget?" I asked again, and I could hear her gasp.

"Ah, yeah, I did. I'm sorry. Well then, I gotta tell my daughter that we aren't expecting a guest today..." she sighed and quickly said goodbye. Before she hang up, I could hear her calling for her daughter, and the barking of her dog, too.

I hoped once my life will be like that, too: a wife, children and pets, and a nice, big house. Even though Amanda was only three years older than me, she already had a five years old daughter and a two years old son, and she was a succesful journalist where she lived, in London.

"Who was it and what did they want?" Jade asked furiously as she sat up, too, crossing her arms on her chest.

"My cousin, Amanda." I replied as I put my phone away and looked at her.

"I don't like her." she told me like she just stated something totally natural which would never hurt anyone's feelings. I sighed.

"I know." I said and wrapped my arms around her waist, then laid her on her back. I saw her smilling before I closed my eyes, and I just couldn't help but felt like my life was going to change, luckily in the good way – I'm still sad because I was wrong...

* * *

It was an ordinary day in London: the sky was completly gray becuse the clouds covered it, the rain was pouring hard and everyone was running on the street, trying to reach the point where they were heading to as soon as possible. It was only 6 o'clock in the morning, but the city was busy like it was around 4 or 5 o'clock in the afternoon, when the duty time ended for most people.

A brown-haired girl just woke up in a little flat in the center of London, to the loud noise of a lightning. She was quite sleepy, she would go back to sleep if she could, but her job forced her to get out of bed and get ready for the day. She slipped her feet into her slippers and walked out to her bathroom to wash her face.

"I look like a zombie." she murmured to herself as she put some toothpaste on her toothbrush and started to brush her teeth. She came to London from Los Angeles, and she couldn't get used to the rainy weather easily: it always made her feel tired and depressed, even though she shouldn't be like that as a psychologist. Yet she always said it was the best decision she ever have made: moving to London.

She quickly combed her hair and went to the kitchen to make some breakfast. After a few minutes of thinking, she decided to make blueberry pancakes, her favorites.

"Time flies..." she thought, when she realized her food was ready, when it looked like only a few seconds. She sat down at the table in the middle of the kitchen – which wasn't very big, to be honest – to eat her breakfast, then quickly brushed her teeth again and got dressed into a black pencil skirt and a baby pink, knitted sweater. She wore her favorite pearl earrings which she got from her mother – actually, it was a set of earrings, a necklace, a bracelet and a ring, and she usually wore them together, but the shiny yarn of her top seemed enough. She put on some transparent tights and her high heeled, black boots, then grabbed her satchel and her long, brown coat and ran out of her flat.

She soon arrived at the huge office house where she worked, and after greeting the receptionist and some of her fellow workers, she finally saw a door with a sign saying „Dr. Victoria Vega". She smiled at it, then grabbed the doorknob and walked in to her office.

I mean, to _my_ office. Because it was me: Dr. Victoria Vega, mostly called Tori Vega. The 24-year-old young woman, who moved to London after leaving the university in Los Angeles. I studied to be a psychologist, and I luckily could become one here. And now you may ask why did I want to be a doctor when I was good at singing and acting, and I went to Hollywood Arts? Well, it's easy. I wanted to choose a college, and when I was looking at the list of them, I found a really interesting one. I never thought about becoming a psychologist, but when I first imagined that if I become one, I could help people and have a job at the same time without getting too busy, I started to love it. I soon made my way to that university, and after a few years there, I could finally look after a job as a doctor. And now, here I am, in my own office, waiting for my first patient today.

* * *

"Cat, please!" I pleaded, trying to make her eat something, but she was so stubborn. She didn't eat anything since last Friday, when her brother died in a car accident. I feel really sorry for her, and, of course, for him, but everything has to come to an end, and well... his life ended then.

"No!" she screamed and pushed me away hard. She has never been like that, and it literally scared me when she became hysterical. At the moment, I tried to give her some cookies, but as I said before, she didn't want anything to eat, and she became really skinny since the accident – and it happened six days ago, since that she didn't eat anything at all! I was really worried, and I was mad at myself, too, because I couldn't help her.

"Please! You need to eat, you can't go on like this!" I tried again, but she turned away and covered her face with her hands.

"No! Robbie, please, leave me alone! I don't want company!" she mumbled. I sighed and caressed her shoulder – I couldn't do anything else to cheer her up. She looked at me for a moment, and as our eyes met, I could see the endless sadness in her stare. I gave her a slight smile, and even though I wanted to tell her how sorry I was, the doorbell's ringing didn't let me.

"I'm coming!" I yelled, then sighed and stood up from the couch, leaving her alone with her thoughts. It was a miracle that she came out from her room, she didn't leave it in the past few days, and I seriously thought she got kidnapped by her own bed... luckily I was wrong.

But when I opened the door, I had to blink a few times until I could realize who was just standing in front of me: André Harris, my good, old friend from high school. We couldn't talk in at least five months, but it felt like it was forever, and I thought he forgot about me. I was so happy when I saw him again, the only thing that made me confused was that he came with suitcases.

"Hey, Rob!" he greeted me, then looked down at his bags. "Hope you don't mind if I move in to your house for a few... well, weeks, maybe?"

"I don't mind, but... You know, it's not my house." I warned him as I leaned against the doorway.

"Then whose?" he asked, he was clearly confused.

"It's Cat's. You know, her brother died in an accident last Friday, and I moved to her house to keep her company and to try to cheer her up..." I started, but André cut me off. He seemed pretty crazy that day, maybe he was nervous about what would happen if I said 'no'?

"Oh man, I'm so sorry! But then where do you live?"

"I live here." I said, and I saw he got confused, so I tried to explain the situation. "I lived in a small house near here, just a few streets away, but when I heard about the accident, I visited Cat, and she seemed so lost and sad all alone, and luckily she allowed me to move in to her house... Of course not for ever, but until she gets better."

"And may I... I mean, would she allow me to move in, too?" he asked again.

"Ask her, not me." I said, as I stepped away so that he could come in. He looked around and said something like „wow, nice", then immediately noticed Cat sitting on the couch, with her legs pulled up to her chest and her head lying on her knees. Great, she was crying again... I sometimes just didn't know what to do when she started to cry, and I felt very unneccessary then.

"Hey, Cat..." André started, what made her look up. She probably didn't even notice that he came...

"Hey André." she said, then sniffed and wiped her tears away, then sniffed again and looked at André with a teary face. My heart always broke into a million pieces when I saw her like that, and I just couldn't help but needed to sit down next to her and slightly caress her arm.

"See, I lost my job and my house as well, and... Robbie was the only one who I kept connection with after we left Hollywood Arts... And like, I asked him whether I can move in to his house or not, but he said he lives here now, so... can I move here, too? I promise, I will leave as soon as I get a job and I can get a flat on my own!" he explained, but Cat just looked at him with glassy eyes, probably staring at nowhere. After a few moments of silence, André spoke up again. "So can I?"

"Mm-hmm. Sure." she mumbled, then let her head fall on her knees again as she wrapped her arms around her legs, and I could hear her sniffing again. I stroked her hair and went to the door to help André bringing his suitcases in to the living room, then quickly showed him every room.

When we arrived at the living room again, Cat wasn't there – she probably went back to her room.

"I hope she will feel better soon." André said as he looked at the place where she was sitting about ten minutes ago.

"Me too." I nodded sadly, and went to the kitchen to make something for lunch.

* * *

I was sitting in a café with one of my old schoolmates from high school, Sinjin Van Cleef. We met there to talk, since my lil' sis', Tori was busy all day, and we were in totally different time zones, and for a reason what I don't know, her old classmates didn't want to meet me. So I had to hang out with Sinjin... Whatever.

"I can't believe that _you_ became an actress!" he said immediately when he arrived at the table where I was sitting, in sunglasses and in a big hat, trying to make people not recognize me.

"Nothing is impossible." I smiled, and as the waiter came, I told him what I wanted, so did Sinjin. "But what about you? How is your life going?"

"Oh, it's wonderful!" he said heatedly. "I'm a stage designer now, I work at a huge theater and it's so amazing."

"Cool! Which one?" I asked as I played with the menu. I expected him to tell me which theater was he working at, but instead, he told me where was it and how did it look like... And he explained this all for about ten minutes, and I just stared at him wide-eyed, but he probably didn't notice.

"We might become co-workers, then. I went to an audition for a play a week ago, and if I get the role, I will work at that theater for a few months." I said, then pulled my hat down to cover my face, 'cause I saw a paparazzi walking over the street – well, it was chasing a man, but he could notice me, too; who knows?

"I'd love it if we could work together!" he exclaimed. I twitched a little, because he was yelling... well... quite loud, some people looked at us, but luckily they didn't really care.

"Me too. Hey wait, where are your glasses?" I asked suddenly. I knew there was something unusual with his look, but I didn't realize it was his glasses missing.

"I don't have to wear them anymore." he said happily, and I nodded smilling.

After we both left high school, I think we both changed – he became kinda cool, and I became even more fabulous. Even though I've never cared about nerds, talking to Sinjin was good in total, and since I didn't really have more, at least a little bit close friends, I thought we should meet again.

**Soo this was most likely a prologue for this story, introducing all of the most imporant characters' lives at the moment. You could see that they became a waaay older, mostly at the age of 25, so the story takes place almost 10 years after they finished high school. I hope you don't mind, and that you don't mind Tori not becoming a singer/actress either, but making her a psychologist is needed to write this story on the way I first imagined it. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please, tell me in review whether you want me to continue this or re-write this as an original story with original characters, etc. And another question: do you want Sinjin and Trina to become a couple later? (I asked this only because Trinjin is a kinda beloved pairing, but it's totally your choice, since it has nothing to do with the main storyline, so it would be only a filling for the parts where nothing much happens) After all, please review and have a nice day! :)  
P.S.: I'm sorry for making Bade at the beggining, but you know me... My stories always end with Bori :)  
**


	2. Meeting And Missing Family Members

**Hey guys and girls! :) I don't want to rant and waste your time, so I won't say anything, I'm already pretty late with updatig anyway, so... enjoy! :)  
I don't own Victorious.**

**WARNING! This chapter contains coarse language, and the cursing is _NOT_ censored!**

"Do you have everything?" Jade asked me, this time rather miserably, not impatiently. Even though it was quite hard to leave for me as well, I couldn't help but smiled at her.

"Yes." I replied, sitting down on my suitcase and patting the other one next to me to let her sit down, too. She shook her head and crossed her arms on her chest.

"Are you sure?" she finally pressed out, after staring at the floor for a few moments. I smiled again.  
"Yes, I am." I said, making it clear for her that I didn't leave anything at home – for the fifth time since we left our flat.

"I don't think so." she spoke up again, looking at me with a mysterious grin on her face. I quickly sank my hands into my pockets, but my phone, my wallet, my ID card and everything important was there.

"Why, what did I leave at home?" I asked suddenly. She leaned forward, her hair falling into her face making it almost impossible to look into her eyes, when she whispered two words so quiet that I thought I just imagined her saying that.

"Your lover."

"My..." I looked at her confused. She sighed and rolled her eyes, then leaned even closer and pressed her lips against mine.

"Your plane is taking off in a few... I guess it's time for you to leave." she warned me after pulling back from a long, yet gentle kiss.

"Woah, you're pretty unpredictable. At the first moment you would tie me down to make me stay, then you tell me to go..." I smiled slightly, what made her smile, too.

"Love me the way I am." she replied, shrugging carelessly.

"I love you the way you are, don't worry." I said, then grabbed my stuff and stood up to walk to the checkpoint.

"Stay safe." Jade whispered when I looked at her to say my goodbye.  
"You too." I replied, then quickly kissed her cheek and after she hugged me tightly, I left the hall. I saw her waving to me, and I waved back, then the guards at the airport started to check my bags and my pockets so I had to concentrate on them.

* * *

It was pretty cold outside when I left the airport, and I soon regretted it that I brought only a thin cardigan with me. I pulled the two sides of it together on my chest as I stepped outside, and tried to focus on getting home as soon as possible and leaving tons of messages on Beck's phone.

Of course as soon as I reached the first pedestrian crossing, it started to rain heavily, and I quickly became completely soaked. I cursed quietly, then waited for the signalling lamp to finally change to green so I could walk to the opposite of the road, when a weird-looking, young woman appeared next to me. She wore sunglasses, not caring about the fact that it was almost 8 PM and it rained hard so it wasn't even light outside. She was dressed in pitch black just as me, but she was smart enough to put a hoodie on her head... Why couldn't I think about it, too?

Finally the lamp changed to green so we could start walking again. I decided to take a bypass – to my fright, the only bypass was an alley next to the huge building where we lived, but I had to go that way if I didn't want to get even more soaked.

I couldn't even reach the edge of the pavement on the other side of the street, when I heard a horribly loud noise as a car ran into a streetlamp. There were so many people screaming and I saw an old woman fainting, but at the very next moment, when I turned around, another car crashed into the other one, making a huge traffic jam and panic. Only about a second could pass until I heard a blast and my visions became blurry, then the world blacked out and I fell to the ground, not knowing what was happening anymore.

* * *

It was raining in London when I arrived there around 8 AM – I wasn't really surprised, people usually say it always rains in England. The sky was grey and it wasn't very warm outside, so I had to take my jacket on again as I got off the plane and walked to the airport. I soon got my suitcases back, and after getting through the checkpoint, I could walk out to the busy streets of the city. I sank my hands into my pockets, quickly finding my phone, so I could call my cousin, Amanda.

"Hey!" I greeted her, trying to figure out what was she doing at the moment, 'cause I could hear the noise of a car's horn being pushed hard.

"I have a horn, too, dumb bitch!" Amanda screamed right at the next moment, and pushed the horn, too. I had to keep my phone away from my ear if I didn't want to get serious hearing loss, but she quickly calmed down and greeted me.

"Where are you?" I asked, keeping an eye on my suitcases before anyone could steal them.

"A few streets away from the airport. I'll be there in 5 minutes, I promise, I just..." she started, then pushed the horn again, and called someone a „brainless moron" after telling them to shut up, then she finally concentrated on me again. "I'm sorry, but London's streets are all fucked up today. I'm in a huge traffic jam and this blonde bitch keeps telling me to move on and go ahead but there is a two miles long line in front of me!"

"Okay, okay, I understand!" I quickly backed off before she could try to rip my head off through the phone. "See, tell me your house number and I'll go there, it would be faster this way."

"No, it's all okay, I'll be at the airport in a few." she said. I sighed – she always had been really stubborn, and it seemed like it didn't change in the past few months.

"Alright. I will wait here on the street... But if you aren't here in ten minutes, I will seriously take a plane back to America!" I threatened her. I could hear how she growled at that, before pushing the horn for a longer time and then finally speaking up.

"Why don't you go back to the airport's hall? I see it's raining." she asked.

"I know you good enough to guess you won't come inside to find me if you don't see me outside." I informed her, making her growl again.

"Okay, that's true. God, this weather freaks me out!" she hissed, then hung up without saying anything.

It had been more than 40 minutes until she finally arrived at the airport – and until that, I had to find a place near there where I could hide from the rain. I finally chose a cheap restaurant, where I ordered a traditional British breakfast meal – since I was in Britain, why not? – and took a seat next to the huge window, so I could look at the street. While eating my food, I tried to call Jade, but she didn't answer; well, probably because it was around 2 AM in her time zone. Then I left her a text telling her that I arrived in London and except the rain, everything is absolutely fine. I also checked my incoming messages, but she didn't send me any, which I found pretty weird, because she always sent me lots of them when I left Los Angeles. I couldn't think about it for so long, though, because Amanda arrived, so I paid my food and quickly left.

"How long did you have to wait for me?" she asked after I hopped in her car, too.

"Just an hour." I replied shortly, watching the rain flow down on the window.

"Are you tired?" she asked again.

"Not as much as I expected I will be." I said, sinking deeply into my thoughts. The next thing I saw was us arriving at her house, and her husband, Eric and her children, Kirsty and Robert waving at us. She parked the car in the garage, then we got out and they all greeted us.

"Uncle Beck, did you bring me anything?" Kirsty asked, holding onto my pants as I got my suitcases out from the luggage rack.

"Ah, come on, Kirsty, don't be so selfish! He just arrived here, don't expect him to be so energetic." Eric said, making the little girl at least let go of my clothes. Robert didn't really do anything, he just giggled whenever I looked at him, even though Amanda said he can already talk.

"I don't like fish." Kirsty said, then looked at me with sparkly eyes. "But you brought me something, right?"

"Yes, I did." I said, smiling at her, and putting a hand on her shoulder to push her out from the garage, so that we could go inside the house. "I will give it to you as soon as I can put my stuff down, okay?"

"Okie!" she giggled and ran forward, then grabbed Amanda's skirt and walked next to her, while I went behind them with Eric, who helped me to carry my suitcases.

After I gave them what I brought for them (a stuffed giraffe for Robert and a stuffed pony for Kirsty, and a nice bottle of wine and a bar of chocolate for Amanda and Eric), we all sat down in the living room, talking about our lives, jobs, families and just everything that we could think of.

"I'm sorry, I have to call someone now, but I'll be back in a few." I said after quite a long time. It was almost 5 PM, which meant it was late morning in Los Angeles, and Jade was usually awake at that time, so I called her, hoping that she will answer. She didn't.

* * *

"She seems to be getting a little better, don't you think?" André asked me as we sat on the couch, Cat drawing something at the other corner of the living room and us watching TV while drinking some coffee.

"Yeah, I agree. But don't bring this up in front of her, she might start to think about it, too, if she hears us!" I hissed, but when I captured Cat's suspicious gaze, I shut up. We sat in silence for a bit, then André stood up and put his cup down on the table, then grabbed his jacket and walked to the door.

"I'm gonna go for a walk." he told us, then immediately left. I stared at my empty cup of coffee, deep in my thoughts, when I started to feel Cat staring at me. I looked up at her – she put her pencil and paper down and looked at me, but it kinda seemed like she stared into nothing. At that moment, I could give everything just to talk to her and make her feel better, but I knew I couldn't do anything to cheer her up; somehow, she might figured out what was I thinking about, because she stood up, slowly walked to the couch and sat down facing me, though.

"Wanna talk about... some stuff?" she asked, and I felt like it was the right moment to bring her brother's case up, even though she probably didn't want to talk about that.

"Well... are you feeling good today?" I asked back, hoping that she would realize what I tried to ask.

"Kinda." she shrugged, and shifted a little closer to me. I sighed.

"I see you still aren't fine." I said quietly.

"Let's not bring this up, please." she whispered, and I could see tears welling up in her eyes. I put my hand on her arm and slowly slid it down caressing her, but I didn't reach my goal: she didn't even look up at me, just stared at her free hand.

"But wouldn't a little talk help? At least a little bit? You know, talking about your feelings usually helps..." I explained, trying to get her speaking – even though I knew what she felt, but she never spoke it out loud.

"That's usually, not always." she whispered again and wiped her eyes with her other hand.

"But that doesn't mean you wouldn't feel better if you didn't have to fight all your emotions alone." I encouraged her. Neither of us spoke up for a few minutes, then she suddenly started sobbing, and hugged me tightly, burying her face into my chest. I got pretty surprised, but put an arm around her shoulders, and slightly patted her back.

"Sshh, it will be okay." I murmured.

"But I miss him so much!" she cried, though it came out as a racked sob. I stroked her back and repeated that it will be okay, and that with time she will miss him less and less, she just has to be strong in the first days.

We spent almost an hour with this, but I didn't mind at all – if it made Cat feel better, then it was okay. She was about to fall asleep on me, which I wouldn't really mind, but we weren't in a comfortable position, so I gently pushed her away and held a hand out to her. She blinked at me confused, so I smiled slightly and explained.

"I see you're sleepy. Come on, you should go to bed."

"But it's not even bed time yet!" she said – between two yawns.

"I know, but you need some rest. And until you don't have to wake up at 5 in the morning, you can sleep whenever you want to." I answered, then helped her up and walked to her bedroom with her. I was right: she didn't even bother to get into her pajamas, just pushed the blanket aside and lay in the bed. I covered her with the blanket, and after wishing her a good night, I left her room and started to wash up.

Cat woke up almost 9 hours later, at 1 AM – the reason I know is that she woke me up, too. I don't know what she was doing, but I heard a horribly loud noise from the kitchen, and I unintentionally jumped up to see what was it. When I arrived there, she sat on one of the chairs at the table, resting hear head on it, quietly sniffing.

"Cat...?" I asked on a slightly cracking voice while I tried to find the light switch. She slowly looked up at me, her eyes watery and red and her face pale like her kitchen's white walls.

"I'm sorry for the noises... did I wake you up?" she asked as she stood up.

"What was that noise?" I asked again.

"I dropped a frying pan... nothing serious." she shrugged and walked out of them room. I switched the lights off and followed her.

"What did you want to do with a frying pan?" I frowned.  
"I wanted to make breakfast... but it doesn't matter. I'm not even that hungry." she mumbled. She seemed a little lost – breakfast at 1 AM?

"Go back to your bed." I told her as I walked back to my room's door.

"I'm not sleepy." she denied, and to my biggest surprise, she started to follow me.

"Then... Then what do you want to do?" I asked. She walked past me, then sat down on the edge of my bed, staring at the curtains.

"Why do you close the curtains? It's so good to fall asleep while looking at Los Angeles' busy streets' lights." she wondered.

"I don't know. I just like sleeping in darkness." I answered and sat down next to her.

"I wonder how are our old high school friends' lives going?" she spoke up pretty loudly. I shook my head and took her hands, looking into her eyes.

"Cat. I know you're hiding something from me. What is it?"

"Me? Hiding? I'm not hiding anything." she said, the same confusion and nervousness sparkling in her eyes as she talked.

"I see you are. You looked so lost yesterday, and now you are talking nonsense... What's wrong?" I asked, gently stroking the back of her hands with my thumbs.

"Nothing." she hissed.

"Tell me, Cat. Please!" I then begged, but it seemed like the ice didn't want to break. Then, after a few moments, which felt like eternity, she sighed and looked at me.

"It's just..." she started, then stopped, looked away, gulped and looked back at me. "I talked to my mom this morning about the funeral and... and she said... she said my brother was only a... a pain for her! She said he was like a stalker, he was everywhere and always followed her and acted weird... But he... he had some kind of a mental disorder, and as her mom, she should have been more supportive and loving, aren't I right?"

I had to blink a few times until I could fully realize what she just said. _He was a pain for her? But she was his mom!_

"I'm so sorry." I whispered, hugging her again, as hot tears streamed down her face.

"I can't believe she said this, I... I just don't want to see her anymore! Can you understand me, Robbie?" she asked slightly looking up, but not into my eyes.

"I can understand you, Cat. And I'm so, so sorry for this all... but you don't have to see her... Just go to the funeral, say good... say goodbye to your brother, and then you can forget everything what she said, okay? And never forget, André and I will always be by your side!" I said encouraging, but I only made her let out another repressed sob. I sighed and stroked her hair, which made her stop crying and tighten her hug on me.

"Thank you. For everything. I don't know what would I do without you." she whispered. We stayed hugging for a few more seconds, then we pulled apart and I stood up.

"Now come, go to sleep. You still need it." I said, looking at the black circles under her eyes.

"I don't want to go to my room." she mumbled. I frowned.

"Then... do you want to sleep here... with me, or alone?.." I stuttered.

"No! It's not that..."

"Then what?" I asked and sat down again. I knew it was going to be a long night.

"I can't sleep. I mean, I'm having troubles with sleeping since the accident... something like insomnia or what is it called." she informed me. I nodded and tried to give her some adivce, hoping those would help.

"Did you try to count sheeps?"

"I did. It didn't help." she said, shaking her head – but I noticed the slight smile at the corners of her mouth at the silly idea.

"Hmm... Did you try to think about nothing?" I asked.

"What?" she asked back frowning.

"I mean, did you try to block all your thoughts and not think about anything?"

"No... I think I will try it. Thanks." she said and raised, then left the room before I could offer that I would lead her back to her room. I looked after her, but after a few moments, I turned around and lay into my bed, too, wanting to fall asleep.

It didn't work for a long time, because about half an hour later, I heard someone knocking at my door. I slowly sat up, rubbing my eyes as I quietly said „come in", then I saw Cat's tired and worn out face peeping into my room through the slightly opened door.

"It didn't work." she whispered as she came in and sat down next to me.

"I see..." I said, then got out from under my blanket and shifted closer to her. "Are you sure that nothing works? Sleeping pills?"

"I already tried them... They just made me feel dizzy and maybe made me have a really short sleep... But I woke up after half an hour anyway." she explained, shrugging slightly.

"You know it's not healthy anymore, right?" I mumbled. She nodded.

"I know. But I can't do anything with it."

"I'm sure you can. Maybe seeing a psychologist would help?" I suggested, but she immediately shook her head.

"No, never! I'm sure I can cope with it alone, I just need some time..." she backed off, rubbing her eyes. I sighed, and wanted to speak up, when she lay on my bed, pulling her knees up to her chest and pulling the blanket over herself, then patting the sheet next to her as she looked at me. I gingerly lay down facing her, and I was so surprised to notice that she dragged the cover over me, too.

"Do you feel comfortable here?" I asked, still surprised.

"Mh-mm. It's quite comfy here." she nodded, and I saw a slight smile appearing on her face. We stayed silent for a really, really long time, until I couldn't help but let my eyes fall closed, and I didn't know if she stayed awake or not, but when I woke up the next morning, she wasn't there with me.

**I know this chapter is short... and sad... and pointless... and boring... like a filling chapter. And I know I was so slow with updating, and it really didn't worth it for such a crappy work like this, but I hope you still liked it. I promise I will speed things up during the next one or two chapters, but at least if I'm doing something, I want every piece of that to be done correctly and I don't want unfinished lines or rushed scenes... I hope you can understand. Either if you liked or disliked this chapter, please review, and if you disliked, please tell me why, I would try to make the story better if I knew what should I change :) _No telling me to write about another ship, please, 'cause you know the ships are already planned in this!_**


	3. Do Angels Cry, Too?

**Hey guys! :) Ever since I have looooots of ideas, I thought I should write a little bit more in every chapter, even though it would be even slower this way – but then you could read more at the same time and I could write more so I wouldn't have to keep all my ideas in my head in fear of loosing them, haha. So if I'll be updating less from now on, that will be because I will write more in each chapter.**

**I don't own Victorious!**

"I don't know, Elly. I really don't know." I sighed, as I looked up at Elly. She was a quite short, blonde-haired, but really nice and pretty girl, and she was my best friend – at the moment, we were sitting at a pub around 9 PM and drinking some cocktails while talking about our lives' big problems. Well, Elly didn't really have any, so our talks about them was mostly like I talked about my ones, she listened to them and then tried to give me some advice, which never really worked. She had been dating her boyfriend for 2 years already then, and they had plans about having children, too, so I could understand that she thought her life was just simply happy.

"Aww, come on, you are still so young, I'm sure love will find you sooner or later, you just have to wait for the _perfect_ man to bump into you and make you fall in love with him at first sight!" she exclaimed, a little too loud, in her characteristic British accent. She also sounded a bit poetical, but that's what I loved the most in her. With her girly, childish look, no one would expect her to say such things, and when she did, it sounded like it was a song, ever since serious words told in her high pitched voice sounded pretty unusual.

"Yeah, but who is _perfect?_" I asked, sighing again. I took a sip from my cocktail – it was pink, and I had no idea why, because it wasn't strawberry, or any else pink-or-red-colored-fruit flavoured, but it made some really, really old memories come up to my mind.

_"Hey, why is it pink?" he asked, with the glass in his hand, looking at it._

_"It's pink lemonade." I answered simply._

_"I've never seen any pink lemons." he looked at me with a confused expression on his face, which I always found cute – but of course I never told it to anyone..._

_"There are no pink lemons."_

_"...so what makes it pink?" he asked again, slightly raising his eyebrows. I just stared at him for a moment, then I had to answer, but I couldn't think of any proper response._

_"Well... you know, it's... shut up!" I said, and I felt quite awkward._

I looked down on my glass as this conversation played in front of my inner eyes again and again, and I was probably lost in my thoughts, because I almost had a heart attack when Elly waved a hand at my face.

"Hey, Tori, you awake?" she asked, and I nodded yes, swallowing.

"Yeah, I just got lost in my thoughts. Sorry."

"I see." she mumbled, looking at me from my head down to my feet and then back to my head again. "You have some problems which you don't talk about." she told me, like she just informed me about what will the weather be like tomorrow.

"No, I don't. I'm just tired. You know, I have some really exhausting patients, with not usual problems, and..." I started to explain, but she interrupted me.

"Don't lie to me, Tor!" she now begged, and I had to stay silent for a few seconds to keep myself from telling her my other problems. Her puppy eyes always made me admit everything...

"I'm not lying. I'm absolutely okay, just tired. And sleepy. And tired." I said. She chuckled a little, then brought her deadly serious face back.

"C'mon, it will be better if you tell someone." she continued to try to convince me about telling her my secrets.

"Ahh... fine. But not here." I said, as I drank the last sips of my cocktail. She did the same, then stood up.

"Then come to my house and stay over tonight. We can have a cool girly sleepover, Alec isn't at home this week. Some business crap..." she said and offered me her arm to help me up. We quickly paid, then left the little, hot, and kind of smelly pub which we always spent Friday evenings at. It had never been too crowded, and they had amazing cocktails and food, even though the prices could be pretty high sometimes.

While walking on the busy Friday-night-streets of London, we both stayed silent – I mean, I did, Elly babbled, and I just nodded some times, other than that, I was deep in my thoughts again. _The awkward moment, when the psychologist needs a psychologist –_ I thought, and I seriously started to think that I should go and see a doctor with all my love problems. I already had some ridiculous cases with boys in highschool, but I never thought I will have those when I will be almost 10 years older, too. I met so many men who only used or abused me, and none of them loved me for who I really am, and that just made me lose faith in love... and basically in every men. That was probably one of the reasons why I didn't call André, Beck or Robbie anymore after a while, but they didn't seem to want to talk to me that much either, since they never tried to contact me.

We arrived at Elly's flat about ten minutes later – thanks God she lived really close to the pub. There she gave me an oversized T-shirt and some jogging pants, so I could change into them, and she dressed into her pajamas, too, so we had a real, girly sleepover. While she made some popcorn, I chose a movie to watch; it was unnecessary, though, because the film couldn't even start when she turned the sounds off and looked me, waiting for me to tell her what I've been hiding from everyone else than myself. And finally, I opened up and I told her _everything_, starting off with Ryder Daniels from Sherwood, continuing with all the guys at high school and university, and finishing with my last boyfriend, who broke up with me two months ago because of another girl.

"You see you're feeling better now!" she cheered, and threw some popcorn at me. I didn't hesitate for too long, and I threw a pillow straight into her face – and that was the beginning of the real pajama party, after leaving all the worries and problems behind our backs (mostly mine).

* * *

I was at the shower when Amanda broke in to the bathroom, screaming my name and calling for me desperately – she scared me so much that I almost fell, but luckily, I could catch the towel hanger.

"What's that?!" I yelled back, quickly wrapping a towel around my waist.

"Your girlfriend is in the news!" she shouted, making me sigh.

"You know she's a singer, it's totally normal that she..." I started, but I couldn't finish my sentence, she grabbed my wrist screaming „no" and dragged me to the living room, where the news channel was turned on, showing a kind of apocalyptic street with so much blood, bodies lying on the ground, crashed cars, firemen, policemen, the ambulance and some fire. I was always sad when an accident like that happened, but back then, I didn't know some more important information.

"That's what you wanted to show me? An accident?" I asked, adjusting the towel.

"No! Just listen!" she yelled. And I listened.

"_Horrible accident happened in Los Angeles, near the airport. A car ran into a streetlamp, and another one crashed into that, causing fire and a blast from the spilled gasoil __catching the flames__. Twenty people got injured, the police found three dead bodies so far, including Jade West, the famous singer and songwriter's._" The reporter said, and they showed a picture of Jade – it was taken about a week ago, she smiled widely as she hugged a bunny –, but I couldn't care anymore. I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and they didn't take too much to flow down my face. I know, men don't tend to cry, but I couldn't help it... I ran back to the bathroom and closed the door, then sat down on the floor, not caring about anything around me, not even about first only Amanda, then Amanda and Eric, and then the whole family knocking at the door. I buried my face in my hands as I tried to understand what had just happened, but I couldn't. I simply wasn't able to. I couldn't imagine my days, my weeks, my _life_ without her, she was my everything, and I didn't know what was I living for anymore.

"Beck! Please, open the door! Let me talk to you!" I heard Amanda begging, but I didn't answer. Eric called for me, too, and I heard Kirsty asking what was happening again and again, but none of them answered. Even Robert said some words to me, and if I wasn't in a horrible pain, I would have probably replied, but at that moment, even the little boy's slow and childish encouraging sentences couldn't make me smile.

Almost three hours had passed until I finally managed to get up on my feet again, get dressed and go to bed, or at least leave the bathroom. Amanda and the others went sleeping after an hour, the children were probably sleepy, and I heard Eric telling her that I needed some time to be alone and understand and accept everything, so after wishing me good night, they left.

When I finally went back to the guest room, I took my phone out of my pants' pocket, and clicked on the gallery button as I lay on the bed and dragged the blanket over myself. It took a little time until all my pictures loaded, and then I wasn't exactly sure if I really wanted to watch them or not. The last one was taken on the day when I left Los Angeles, Jade asked a stranger to take a photo of us with both of our phones, so we both could stare at it all day – she was sometimes really addicted to love, and it annoyed me pretty much when we went to see a beautiful place, and on all pictures, we were in the middle kissing, hugging, holding hands or anything else, and then nothing was visible of the sight, only some at the edge of the photo; but thinking about it some time later, I would still rather bear having myself on every picture in my phone than being alone, without her and not able to see her anymore. I tried to fight my tears back, but I didn't success: before I could put my phone away, I already saw a teardrop staining my pillow. I wiped my eyes as I turned the lamp off and let my head fall to the sheet... I wished to fall asleep fast, but dreams didn't come for a really, really long time. I could already see the first sunlights illuminating the sky when my eyes finally closed and a slight slumber reached me; it turned out to be a horrible nightmare, though.

_It was a sunny morning in Los Angeles when I woke up – to my biggest surprise, in our room, in our flat, not at Amanda's house. I opened my eyes to see the clock said it was only 8 AM, so I was sure Jade was still asleep then. I warnly turned around, trying not to wake her up, and I was glad to see I could do it, she was still sleeping calmly. I stared at her face for long minutes, but she seemed a little paler than usual, and I couldn't see her chest raising and falling._

_"It's just the blanket covering her, I'm sure." I thought, trying to calm myself down before I could think about the worst possibilities. After a few more minutes, I couldn't help but had to touch her to check if she would wake up or not, so I reached out and took her hand. It was cold like ice, so I immediately jerked my one back and stayed still for a few seconds. Then I reached out again and gently pulled her arm to myself, then placed two fingers on her wrist to check her pulse. I tried to find it desperately for long minutes, but I couldn't, and it almost scared me to death._

_"Jade! Do you hear me? Please, say something! Don't do this to me! Please! Answer me! Jade!" I stuttered, and as I talked, my voice became louder and louder until I was basically shouting, but she didn't answer. She lay on her back still, without showing any signs of being alive, and I had to prop myself up to check her pulse on her neck, too – I couldn't find it there either._

_"Please, Jade... you can't die... you just can't!" I screamed again, desperately trying to wake her up. After a few minutes, I thought I should try to make her breathe with mouth-to-mouth, but just at the moment when I leaned down to her face, she opened her eyes and stared at me viciously, her cold blue eyes looking ever colder than usual. Her eyes were bloodshot and there was a weird spark in them, and she let out a cracking noise as she grabbed my wrists and roughly pushed me down on my back. Even a second couldn't pass until I was laying on the sheet and she was on top of me, with a kinfe in her hand._

_"D-Do you hear me, Jade? Put that thing down, it will be okay! What did I do to-" I started, but I couldn't finish my sentence, 'cause she cut me off as she stabbed me with the knife, right in my chest, right in my heart._

That was the moment when I suddenly woke up, panting heavily, almost screaming. I quickly sat up in my bed and wiped the sweat off my forehead, then I got out of bed and slowly walked out to the kitchen. I didn't really know what did I want to do there, but in the next moment, I found myself on the terrace, sitting in a comfy armchair under the roof. I had a bottle of beer in my right hand, and I was so surprised to find myself smoking – because there was a cigarette in my left hand. I couldn't help it, though, it just felt so good to smoke and drink, and it felt like all the pain suddenly sublimed, and I could only see the sunshine.

About half an hour later I heard footsteps and Amanda's voice quietly calling for me. I wanted to answer, but I wasn't strong enough to speak up; probably because I was way too drunk then, in that short amount of time, I drank another two bottles of beer. I groaned slightly, and I think she heard it, because a moment later she knocked on the glass door that lead to the terrace, and she peeked out and looked around.

"Oh, good morning, Beck! How had your night been? Could you fall asleep?" she asked, then her voice trailed off and she squeaked silently. "What... what happened here? What are these? Why are there beer bottles around you?"

"Amanda, I... I'm sorry..." I pressed out as I tried to stand up, but my body's weight felt too much and I fell back into the chair. Amanda ran up to me and grabbed my arm to help me up, but it still didn't seem to be enough, I could barely take a step until I had to stop and rest.

"Why did you do it?" she asked. Her voice sounded rather sad and disappointed than mad, and even being widely drunk, it made me disappointed in myself, too.

"I needed something... to make me stop... thinking about the... accident... and Jade..." I mumbled, and propped myself on the wall.

"I hope you know you can't go on this way." she started, and she probably wanted to tell me a whole speech, but I unintentionally interrupted her.

"I'm taking a plane back to... back to Los Angeles... I need to see her... and stuff..."

"You're drunk now, so don't make decisions what you will regret later. You should go back to bed and sleep, that's all you need now." she said dryly. I was about to say something, but it seemed like my vocal cords gave up and I could only groan one more time before we reached the guest room and Amanda let go of me, so I could go back to bed. I leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor, then stayed there for quite a long time, just like I did the day before in the bathroom. That time, I was only miserable, and later in the guest room, I was drunk, I had nausea and I felt like the room was spinning around me, though.

A few hours later, I woke up still sitting there, and my head hurt like never before. I slowly stood up, but only to walk up to the bed and lie on that; then fall asleep into a dreamless slumber again. My thoughts were all over Jade and the life that we could have if this accident didn't happen or if I was there to protect her... and from that moment on, I started to blame myself for everything that happened.

* * *

I woke up around 10 in the morning, feeling a little dizzy. With the first move I made, I could feel something poking my stomach, ribs and face, so I propped myself up and touched my cheek where the little thing hurt it – I soon figured out that it was some popcorn. I opened my eyes and looked around: the whole room was covered in it, and I surely wasn't at home.

"What happened?" I asked, hoping that someone will answer. I soon heard Elly's voice coming from the opposite corner of the room, so I turned my head there.

"We had a sleepover with popcorn, movies and... some... well, wine." she admitted as she stood up from the chair she was sitting on. She already dressed up into an American flag printed sweater and some jeans; it was kind of funny, because I was the one from America and I always wore stuff with the British flag, and she was the British one, wearing stuff with the American flag.

"Then that must be the reason why my head hurts." I mumbled, pushing my hair out of my face.

"I have some painkillers, if you need them." she told me, and she immediately walked up to the cupboard, where she probably kept medicine.

"Some would be nice." I nodded and sat up on the couch. I watched her getting some water, and I couldn't help but felt a little bit jealous of her: she had a really good sense of fashion, a loving and caring boyfriend and a comfy flat – that was all that a woman in our age could wish for. Yet I always wore what I first found in my wardrobe, I was a failure in love things and my flat was everything but comfortable.

"Here you go." Elly basically dragged me out of my thoughts when she said these three words and put the painkillers and the glass of water on the table in front of me. I thanked her, then took them and drank the water, and without saying a thing, I stood up to find my clothes in the messy living room.

An hour later we were having early lunch – fish and chips, we could never get bored of that –, when it started to rain heavily again. Elly quickly jumped up to close the window, but a few raindrops still landed on her face.

"Now I look like I'm crying." she said laughing as she sat down again and wiped the water away from her cheeks.

"Kinda." I admitted chuckling. We stayed silent for long minutes, then she put her fork down and looked up at me.

"Do angels cry, too?" she asked suddenly. I stopped eating, too, and thought about it for a moment before asking back.

"Why do you ask?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I saw the news this morning on the internet while you were still sleeping." she said, and made me roll my eyes – of course everything happens when I'm asleep. "Man, one of my favorite singers died yesterday... I couldn't believe it... there was an accident in Los Angeles where two cars crashed into a streetlamp and into eachother, and the gasoil spilled out and they exploded... and then there was Jade West, and she also died there and..."

"Wait, what did you say?" I asked again, almost choking. "Who did die?"

"Jade West. You know her, the singer..." she mumbled, poking her fish.

"Of course I know her! Did she really die?! How is it possible? I... I... how?" I screamed, suddenly freaking out. I haven't talked to her in almost two years, and since that, she was very busy with her career so she probably forgot about me – but that didn't change the fact that I used to be her friend in high school and that I knew her for a really long time.

"Calm down! I said it was an accident and stuff..." she explained. I sighed and tried to calm myself, then, when I thought I could make it, I spoke up agian.

"How does it come to angels and crying?" I asked.

"When I was a child, my mom always said it was only raining when the angels were crying, but now I doubt it a little bit. But if I knew for sure that angels do exist, I would probably say Jade West is sad now..." she said and glanced over the window. I looked there, too – raindrops were running down on the outside of it, and they blocked me from seeing the sight.

"You didn't know her... She had never been acting like an angel... but now it doesn't matter anymore... how could this happen?" I still couldn't understand it. _Jade West died in a car accident... how is this even possible? A celebrity always have bodyguards and stuff... _I thought, and buried my face in my palms.

I missed her so much, even without talking to her in the past few years, and I felt an excruciating pain in my chest whenever I thought about her – back then, I didn't know there was someone, actually really near me, who was ruining his whole life right at that moment because of this accident...

**Ah well, it turned out to be that I wrote even less than usual... I hope you still liked this chapter, though. I know it was sad and everything, and like, it will probably never be a comedy, but it's in hurt/comfort category, and I would say it's a little bit of drama, too... whatever. Please review! :) And sorry for all the spelling, grammar and every other mistakes I made, you know English isn't my first language :/**


	4. Whispers In The Middle Of Nowhere

**Hii! :) Well, I was pretty fast with updating last time, I guess, but now it took a little more time, but it was because I was on a class trip! We went to see Transylvania, it was amazing! I hope I'll be able to visit that place again! If you don't know where to go for a holiday and you're near Transylvania, you should totally go there, it's truly beautiful and breathtaking! All the mountains, hills and valleys... :) It was very exciting and special for a person who only saw lowlands in her entire life, haha.  
But that's my own, personal life, which you probably don't care about, so now I'll go back to the story. I know the last chapter wasn't the happiest, but a _huge_ plot twist is coming in this! And I don't own Victorious.**

_It was a calm, silent night in Los Angeles, in my old flat with Jade. She died almost 2 years ago now, and I still haven't found a new woman to date, live with or anything else. Ever since the day she had been a part of the horrible car accident, I basically pushed everyone away, so nowadays, my only friend is my psychologist. Yes, I have one... He's a really, really old, but nice and wise man – I was always afraid of having a psychologist, especially if it was like him, but he's not that bad if you get to know him better. I started to have terrifying nightmares, and they all included Jade, me, and sometimes even some of our friends and family members, and I got addicted to drinking, smoking and self harm. If you could only see my wrists at the moment, you would get shocked, believe me. __It's not that I could help it, though, it just makes me feel relieved and away from all the lies, the sadness, the truth... the horrible reality._

_That night, I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth, when I heard a familiar voice calling my name from behind me, so I straightened my back and turned around. There was no one standing there, I could only see the door opening slightly, but nothing more. I shrugged and looked back at the mirror, but the sight that showed up in it took my breath._

_Jade West was staring at me, leaning against the wall with her back, her arms crossed on her chest, her cold eyes almost burning and her body being all stiff and numb. __I couldn't move for a while, but then, I suddenly took a sharp turn and wanted to run up to her – to my biggest surprise, when I looked at the place where she was a second before was empty, I could only see the wall of the bathroom. I sighed and put my toothbrush down on the sink as I drank some water, thinking that it was only my eyes and the tiredness messing with me; but when I turned around again to go to the bedroom, I bumped into Jade._

_"She's here." I thought, and I don't know why, but I was really scared to see her again, though I never believed in zombies and fantasy stuff like them._

_"__This is what cheaters get.__" __she said and smirked at me, but before I could reply, I could feel a sharp, cold piece of metal cutting through my skin, leaving excruciating pain behind as she moved it out of my stomach. She gently kissed my forehead as she walked out and said goodbye to me, then I fell down on my knees. My visions became blurry, darkness flood into my head and the __ache__ seemed to vanish, __but only to shake me one more time with a lot bigger and more unbearable wave of pain __before finally letting me close my eyes for forever..._

I woke up panting, shaking and sweating again, this time on the floor, though. I probably shifted too much in my sleep and fell out of the bed, but I didn't wake up when it happened. The first thing I wanted to do was checking my calendar – it was still 2019, not 2021 as it was in my dream. I somehow got relieved at that, even though it didn't change the fact that Jade was probably still dead. I sighed and stood up. I tried to find some painkillers, because my head was aching more than ever, when suddenly, a wave of unbearable pain hit my stomach, and I had to lie down again. When it seemed to die out, I slowly pulled my T-shirt up to check if my belly was okay – I somehow got scared that my dream might became reality. Luckily, it didn't, so I got some clothes out of my suitcase and walked out to the living room. Eric was already there with Kirsty and Robert, but I couldn't see Amanda.

"Where is Amanda?" I asked, what made Eric jump up.

"Oh, hey, Beck! Well, she's talking to someone on the phone in the bedroom, so you shouldn't bother her, but she asked me to talk to you about something." he said, and already pushed me out to the terrace and let me sit down on one of the armchairs. I could see an empty beer bottle in the grass, and it slowly became clear why I had a strong headache. I never thought Amanda would drink, and I knew Eric wouldn't drink without the guests if they had any at their house, so it must be mine...

"So? What's that?" I asked slowly, quietly and a little much stuttering, too.

"Me and Amanda talked this afternoon... and we thought you should let all the pain out, so..." he started, but I interrupted him.

"It's really nice, but I don't need anything. I don't need to go to box practice or something like that..." I explained. He shook his head.

"I didn't mean it. We thought you should try to call one of your friends and talk to them, and ask for some advice or something... You know, friends can help lots when it's needed." he recommended. I thought about it for a moment, but I highly doubted that I could reach any of them from the other corner of the world. And those 8 hours of time difference... Impossible.

"I'm sure I can't call from my phone." I finally said. Eric smiled slightly, then pointed at the living room.

"We have a landline phone."

"Oh... great." I said quietly. To be honest, not only the time differnce was the reason why I didn't want to call any of my friends... First, because they probably got to know it already and I didn't want to bring it up to them in case they would freak out or something, and second, because all I needed was some time alone. Some really, really long time. Like, months or years...

"So...? Will you like... get your phone and find someone in your name list?" he asked embarrassed after a few minutes of silence. I wanted to shake my head and tell him that it won't work and there's no need to try to cheer me up, but I didn't want to hurt him, too, so I forced myself to say a silent 'yes', then walk back to my room to get my phone.

* * *

"_What do I tell my patients when they have love problems?_" I thought as I looked out the window, staring at the gray, cloudy sky. I could tell it was going to rain in a few minutes, and I was always so excited to watch the raindrops running down the window, so it was the best time ever to take a nap with a mug of hot chocolate under a few blankets and watch the streets.

"_And what do I tell them when they lose a family member, a friend or a beloved person?_" I kept asking myself. I could help people feeling better really fast, I don't know how, I just had a sense for it, but when it came to helping myself, I always got stuck at figuring out what my actual problem was. I really wanted to talk to a friend that time, but I told Elly that I don't need company, and suddenly, I realized that I had no one else than her. She was my only friend, the one that would always be by my side, though.

_It's funny_, I thought, because at high school, I used to have lots of friends and I had no time alone, because someone always needed me, and now the only thing that needs me is my work. I even thought of going back to Los Angeles, I seriously believed that the weather of London and the people around me being depressed ruined my mood, too. I missed seeing the sun and feeling the hotness of the air every day, I missed wearing my shorts and sleeveless tops, I missed going to a party in only a bikini under a basically transparent summer dress, I missed wearing sunglasses and sandals, I missed _everything_ from there.

After a long time of watching the raindrops flowing down the window and thinking, I finally decided to make some friends here in England, too. I forced myself to stand up and get my laptop and a few magazines which Elly gave me before I left her house, then sat back on the couch, covered myself in the blankets again, and while my laptop was loading, I scrolled through the magazines and marked every page that had any advertisements about any fun things to do in a class with other people. I mostly found clubs for women, though, like zumba fitness class or fashion designer clubs, but I didn't really mind. I just wanted to get to know more people.

I finally ended up with 28 clubs, classes and courses written in a notebook, with phone numbers, adresses and e-mail adresses. I looked them up on the internet, too, and... I ended up deciding to take all 28 of them.

"I won't be bored anymore..." I said to myself as I sighed and checked the clock. It said 5 in the afternoon, so I decided to have dinner soon. I got up, went to the kitchen and after I turned the radio on, I started to make some fried eggs. The announcer was talking all nonsense, I guess he mentioned the car accident in Los Angeles, too, but I couldn't understand a full sentence, and I didn't really pay attention to it either.

The next morning, I woke up surprisingly energized and cheery, I don't know why. I got out of bed, washed my face, got dressed into white skinny jeans and a flower patterned sweater, then went to the kitchen to get some hot chocolate for breakfast. I wasn't hungry at all, and I thought I'll call some of the clubs I found the day before, starting with the japanese course. I had no idea what I wanted to do if I could speak japanese, but I would feel so special if I could say „_Hey, I talk japanese, ain't it cool?_", so I decided to take the lessons. The advertisement said it was 5 hours of studying on either Saturday or Sunday every weekend for ten weeks, and it didn't even cost that much... so why not?

After all, I signed up to japanese and hungarian classes – and I still had no idea why –, zumba fitness class, a drawing course, ukulele lessons, horse riding training twice a week and a cooking course.

"I will never be bored again." I thought as I put the magazines away and turned the TV on, hoping that I'll find a crime or a comedy on a certain channel.

* * *

That was it. I couldn't take it anymore, I just had to find something that could distract me from listening to my thoughts, which all told me that it all was my fault. I wasn't surprised to find myself on the terrace again, with a bottle of beer in my hand, and a cigarette in the other one, though. I didn't even care that it was unhealthy and dangerous, and that at least if I'm drinking and smoking, I shouldn't do them at the same time, but I couldn't care anymore. I already started to feel a little less worried and happier, and I was sure it was because of the amount of alcohol I drank all of a sudden.

Also, as Eric recommended, I looked through my phone's name list and called basically everyone who I found, except my family – I knew they wouldn't understand, and that they would only become worried about me, so I rather left them thinking that I'm absolutely fine and am having fun with Amanda and her family.

I called some of my co-workers first, but they were busy doing something, I guess they filmed a scene where I didn't have any roles and I didn't have to appear. Then I called my friends from Canada, but they were either sleeping or didn't give a fuck about me – and those were the ones I called „friends"... Then I called the ones from Los Angeles... the same again. Only my high school friends were left, so I tried to talk to them.

I first called André, but he got really mad at me for some reason... He told me that I ruin everything, and right before he hung up, I could hear him saying „_don't worry, babe, I'll turn this thing off_", he probably was on a date or something. Then I called Robbie, but he didn't pick it up first, only at the second call, then he said he was sorry but had to go, because he and Cat were going to some important event or what, and hung up. Even though Robbie told me both him and Cat were going, I tried to call her, too – surprisingly, she was the one who paid the most attention to me. She listened to my problems for exaclty two minutes, then she had to hang up, too, so we said goodbye and I decided to call Sinjin, too. He picked the phone up at the first ringing, but even before he could say hi, I heard a loud banging and his phone turned off, I had no idea what happened, but ever since we didn't talk, I didn't even care. I decided that the next call will be the last one and I will leave the world alone with all my misery, so I dialed Trina's number.

"Hallo?" She picked it up at the second ringing, I was surprised to find out that she was much more down-to-earth than in high school, I could hear it in the way she talked and in her voice...

"Hey, Trina, it's me, Beck." I said quietly. I expected her to scream or something, as she used to, but she didn't. It made me worried a little, but whatever.

"What's up? You know, I don't really have time now, we are rehearsing for a play and the decoration just fell on Sinjin's head... I have to take care of him before the ambulance comes to check on him." she sighed.

"Ooh... Then I won't bother you, sorry." I said, and immediately wanted to hung up, but she told me to not, and that at least if I called her, tell her why. So I told her the whole story, which she probably didn't even know, because her and Jade's relationship didn't get better after high school, and as she said, she didn't have that much free time.

"I'm really sorry." she finally said. It sounded so simple, but I somehow felt that she meant it, and it was all that mattered.

"Thanks, for... listening to this mess and... everything... Could you ask your dad to call me if they find something?" I asked.

"Sure, I'll do it right after we get out of the hospital. Don't worry, everything will be just fine. You'll get used to it, like I got used to Tori singing in a horrible and wrong tone every day before a play. It's not that bad." And that was it again, the realization just hit me, that Tori still existed and that I didn't talk to her in years, and it just made everything worse, because I started to feel even emptier than before.

I remember, I tried to call her lots two years ago, but she didn't even manage to answer my calls, and after some months, I just gave up... I didn't know why did she do it, but it hurt me, like, a lot. But as the time passed by, the pain decreased and I started to accept that she didn't want to see me again... and now that Trina mentioned her, I felt lost and broken.

"Alright... thanks. I hope Sinjin will get better." I finally managed to say, I basically had to press the words out of my mouth, they just didn't want to come. All that wanted to come were teardrops, huge, hot teardrops. I couldn't handle it, the loss of my girlfriend, missing a good friend again... It was too much. Trina was still talking, but I hung up and threw my phone onto the bed, then let myself fall down next to it. The room was spinning around me, my head ached like never before, and back then, I wasn't even drunk. That was the moment when I decided to drink again, and now, half an hour later, I'm sitting here like last night, with beer in one hand, and a cigarette in the other one. I know there are children around me, but who cares?

* * *

My head hurt like crazy when I woke up, and my eyelids barely wanted to open, it took so much effort to finally look up and see... nothing?

I didn't know what was happening, but I didn't like it for sure. I tried to rub my eyes just to realize that my hands were tied together behind my back, and my right arm ached as well. I tried to remember something, but I could only remember Beck's plane taking off and me walking home...

_It was raining_;I figured. _And there was this weird woman dressed all in black, like me, but she was somehow different..._

I wanted to continue ranting in my head, but in the next second, the door flew open and the lights flooded the room all of a sudden, they hurt my eyes and I had to close them again.

"Oh, look who woke up here! The lovely Jade West!" The woman who came inside clapped her hands together. I rolled my eyes, though she couldn't see it through my eyelids...

"What do you want from me?" I growled, apparently getting fed up already.

"Me? I don't want a thing from you, sweetie!" she laughed hysterically, and it made me even more upset.

"Just stop neighing and tell me what do you want from me." I said quietly yet firmly. BOOM – a slap. Her cold hand and at least ten rings landed on my face, leaving a quite big red spot on it, and the rings even cut my skin at some parts, making it bleed.

"I said, I don't want anything from you. It's my boss who wants you to get out of her way for a certain amount of time." she repeated. I growled again.

"Tell her to fuck off." Another slap – this time, on my other cheek. I didn't bother to say a word or scream, I just beared the pain like it was nothing and let my head hang low.

"You're not very smart, are you?" she asked in an apparently fake friendly tone.

"What if I'm not? Are you going to say I'm dumb and make fun of me? If so, go ahead. I don't give a fuck about you, you know." I said, and the situation was so pointless that I actually found it ridiculous and couldn't help but laughed.

"What's so funny?" she asked. She was obviously shocked that I laughed, and she probably found it annoying that she wasn't the only one so 'happy' in the room.

"You. Your boss. It all. This whole situation is just so goddamn ridiculous that I-" I started, but I couldn't finish it, because she slapped me again in the middle of my sentence, even harder than before. I hissed loudly, and threw my head backwards to rest it on the wall behind myself as I took in some deep breaths.

"I see you're suffering, little girl... Great." she said and faked a smile, then left the room and shut the door behind herself before I could say a word. I growled something like 'oh God', then let myself fall to my left side, avoiding to lie on my right arm, which started to hurt even more with every move I made.

Hours have passed this way, me on the floor, lying almost lifelessly, my breathing and heartbeating was really slow... probably because I already gave up, calmed down and relaxed. In the first ten minutes, I screamed and cursed a lot, but no one came to save me, and after all, my shouts sounded only like whispers in the middle of nowhere... no one heard them.

* * *

"Beck!" I heard Amanda shouting my name, this time not looking for me, but being mad at me. "Kirsty and Rob can find you in any moment and you are in the front yard full drunk again! Why do you need to drink alcohol all day?"

"It's not that... not that you would understand anyway..." I muttered, holding the bottle of beer up, almost pouring it on her.  
"Yes, I would, I'm your cousin, you can tell me anything!" she said as she put her hands on her hips. I shook my head, taking in a deep breath.

"But you didn't lose Eric... did you?..." I asked. She froze for a second, but then sighed.

"Look. I know it's not easy, but please, care about the children, it wouldn't be good for them to find their uncle drunk and passed out in the yard. I don't want them to think being drunk is okay because 'Uncle Beck' was drunk a lot, too. I want righteous and sober children, I don't want to get judged for being a bad mother..." she explained as she squatted in front of me and tried to look into my eyes, but I couldn't look up, I felt like my head was too heavy and it was a lot more comfortable to just let it hang.

"You only care about yourself." I croaked. As the phrase says, _sober people's thoughts are drunk people's words_, and a while later, I regretted saying that, but back then I didn't have control over myself and didn't have my own thoughts... it was the alcohol talking from my mind. Amanda looked shocked, yet sad at me, but I didn't care, just stood up and left her alone in the yard as I walked back to my room.

"_Why is it so hard? Why? Why is it so hard understand? Why is it so hard to get over? Why is it so hard to forget? Why is it so hard to stay strong? Why is it so hard to live without her?_" These thoughts were running up and down in my head, and I somehow felt like instead of getting better, it just got worse with every second passing. I thought the pain would decrease in a few days, but it's been at least two days or so already and it still didn't seem to disappear.

I somehow managed to fall asleep, so that I could get away from all the pain, but I didn't dream a thing, I had a dreamless, long slumber... Well, it was still better than a nightmare, though. I don't know how, but I slept until the next morning, because it was already sunrise when I woke up and got up to find my phone. I would've liked to do anything else more than calling old friends in the morning, but I felt the need to do it. I needed company, a caring, nice person, who could understand and comfort me, and I was sure neither Eric, nor Amanda would have time for me this early. And anyway, if it was 6 AM here, it was only 10 PM in Los Angeles, so probably most of my friends were still awake. I scrolled through my phone's name list again, to find out that the only one I haven't called yet was _Tori_.

* * *

"What the hell?..." I mumbled to myself as I sat up in my bed and reached out to find my phone, while rubbing my eyes with my free hand. I finally found the little thing on my nightstand and blinked a few times to see clearlier, then I looked at my phone's screen.

_Incoming call from Beck_

**Soo that's it! I hope you liked this chapter, too :) I know it seems a little rushed and not well-done at all, but it's only the beginning, and it all will make sense later, you just have to wait. And I can make sure that this story will have _lots _of plot twists, I'm sure you would never expect those stuff happening, haha. And there you go, finally some Bori at the end! Also, from the next chapter on, there will be many Bori moments, so get prepared for them! :) I know there are probably tons of grammar and spelling mistakes, but as I mentioned before, English is not my first language, so I'm not always sure what is correct and what isn't :/ So if you liked the chapter, please review, it means a lot to me! And also, please review, even if you didn't like it. I want to know what mistakes I make, so I can correct them :)**


	5. Date Or Not?

**Hey dears! First of all, have a happy-happy June! And second, I'm really happy, because you're excited for the chapters and it seems like you like my story, too :) So I'm not gonna talk now, I'll let you read. I don't own Victorious!**

"_Calm down, Tori, calm down... It's not a big deal, you are friends, you just haven't talked in the past few years... It's natural, no need to worry. And anyway, not every men are mean and not all of them are going to abuse you. Just answer it. Everything's gonna be fine._" I thought to myself, then I sighed and clicked on the 'answer' button.

"Hallo?" I asked quietly, like I was afraid that he would rip my head off through the phone or something. Luckily, he didn't – he even sounded a little weak as well.

"Hey, Tori." he said, but it was different. It wasn't the same, serene 'hey' he used to greet me with, it was more of a disappointed, 'oh, it's you again' hey, and I didn't know why. I thought he would be happy if we talked after years of no contact at all, but it seemed like he wasn't happy at all.

"What's up?" I finally asked as I yawned.

"Are you sleepy? 'Cause if you are, I can call you at another time or something..." he mumbled, probably noticing how tired I was.

"Of course I am, Beck, it's six in the morning." I yawned again, and I'm not sure, but I think I heard him choking a little.

"How? I mean, you are in Los Angeles, aren't you?" he asked confusedly.

"No. I'm in London. But I've been here for over 2 years now..." I sighed. While I waited for his answer, I looked at my calendar – I had no patients signed for that day, yet I still had to get up early, because _someone_ probably has insomnia.

"Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't know it." he said embarrassed.

"It's okay." I shrugged, even though he couldn't see it, so it made no sense. "So... How's life going?"

"Not good. Have you heard the news about Jade?" he asked, and I suddenly felt like the room just turned upside down. _So that's it? That's why he called me? To talk about Jade?_

"Yes. I was so sad, I mean we weren't friends with Jade, but still." I muttered. I let myself fall down on my back, so I could face the ceiling and rest my head on the pillow, too.

"So was I... Losing your girlfriend or boyfriend, whatever you have... Well, it's horrible." he explained, and the room turned around again. _What? His girlfriend? I thought they broke up in 11th grade!_

"I'm sorry." I said, and that was literally everything I could say. Not that I was jealous or anything, ever since I couldn't be, because Jade was gone anyway, but it still hurt me a lot that after he said that certain stuff to me, he got back together with the girl he had _before me_.

"Can we meet somewhere later? It would be better to talk to you personally, you know what I mean..." he murmured.

"How, if you're in Los Angeles and I'm in London?" I frowned.

"I'm in London, too." he said, and the way he talked made me think he smiled.

"Ooh... Okay, then." I smiled slightly. "Where and when?"

"I thought we could have lunch together at a restaurant, if that's okay with you." he recommended.

"Sounds good!" I agreed as I played with the edge of my blanket.

"Great! Which restaurant would you like?" he asked. I quickly listed every good place I knew in my head, then figured out that I was craving for some mexican food.

"There is this mexican restaurant on the opposite of my house, I'll give you their adress, just wait a minute." I said and slipped out of my bed, then ran to the window to check their housenumber.

"Alright, so see you at noon there?"

"Yes." I said, and I couldn't keep myself from smiling like an idiot – though I didn't know why, it was just two old friends meeting, wasn't it?

* * *

I didn't want to dress too elegant or something, because it was only me and Tori having lunch together, _not_ a date, but I still ended up wearing a white shirt and a black tie with black jeans.

"_Let's just hope she won't notice._" I sighed, fixed my tie and grabbed my jacket. I checked my pockets to make sure that I had my money and my phone with me, then finally grabbed the doorknob and peeked out to see if there was anyone in the living room. I didn't really want Amanda or Eric to ask me anything about it, so I decided to leave them a message on the table, saying that I went to see a friend and that I'll be back soon. I almost finished writing it in the little notebook (they probably messaged each other this way, otherwise why would there be a notebook on the table, full of „_I went shopping, Kirsty and Rob are sleeping, see you at 8 PM; lots of love, Amanda_" messages, and stuff like this?), when I heard footsteps approaching me.

"Beck, is that you?" I heard Amanda's surprised voice calling from behind me.

"Yeah. Hey." I greeted her, then put the notebook and the pen down.

"Oh, wow! Someone looks dapper this morning." she said, and I guess it was a compliment... but if you're talking about Amanda, you can never know.

"Thanks." I said as I ran a hand through my hair. Amanda chuckled, then a serious expression appeared on her face.

"Are... Are you going on a date?" she asked shyly.

"Hell, no!" I snapped, even though I didn't want to shout or anything, it just came. "Could you ever expect me to go on a date a few days after losing my girlfriend...? It's just one of my friends from high school, she's in London and we thought we could meet and have lunch together, you know." I explained – rather leaving out the part where me and Tori were a little closer than friends.

"Alright, I'm sorry! I just wanted to know if... you know... if you've met another girl already." she shrugged, never breaking eye contact with me, and it was pretty awkward, so I rather put on my jacket and walked to the door.

"Well, I didn't. See you later, then." I said, and quickly left before she could stop me with her questions.

The harder part was finding the restaurant, that's why I left Amanda's house a lot earlier – luckily, I could make it in time, and I even arrived before Tori. I decided to wait in front of the building, so she could immediately see me when she arrives, too.

* * *

"Elly! Finally!" I screamed relieved when I spotted the blonde-haired girl in the corridor, and waved at her to speed up a little.

"What was so important? You literally dragged me out of bed!" she demanded to know, but she didn't get an answer, I dragged her inside my flat and into my room. "Why are you only in your underwear?"

"It's a long story, but you have a pretty style, help me choose a dress!" I begged her and I opened my closet, letting her check my clothes.

"Oh, is it a date?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"No!" I snapped. "Just... Just help me find a good outfit and I'll be thankful forever!"

"So it _is_ a date." she said giggling, and grabbed a hanger with a fuchsia colored silk skirt hanging on it. "It's kinda pretty."

"I haven't seen this one in ages." I frowned, and took the hanger from her hand. "Are you sure it's a good idea to wear such a short A-lined skirt on a... on a..."

"...on a date?" she asked back, looking through my clothes again.

"It's not a date." I growled – unnecessarily, though, because I knew if she decided it in her mind that I was going on a date, I could never change it, no matter what.

"Back to your question, sure it is! Just be cautious, don't let the wind blow your skirt!" she winked at me, then handed me a hanger with a white, lace-sleeved shirt on it. I took this one as well, then started to get dressed into them.

"I don't know, Elly... are you sure Beck won't think I'm a slut in these?" I asked, not even knowing that I said something wrong – I only realized it when I heard Elly gasping. "What's wrong?"

"Did you say Beck?!" she gasped again. I buttoned my shirt then looked at her.

"Is there something wrong with that?" I raised an eyebrow as I slipped into the skirt, too.

"Wasn't he the one who left you because you were pre-" she whispered, but I cut her off coldly.

"Let's not talk about it, okay?" I asked, and she nodded, then looked at my shoes like nothing had happened.

"It's surprisingly not cold outside today, so I think you can wear these." she said, and handed me my pair of nude platform high heels. I bought them at least a year ago when I went to my cousin's wedding, but I never wore them since that...

"Can I walk in these?" I laughed embarrassed as I slipped my feet into the shoes and walked around the room a few times.

"It's fine. Just try to avoid cobble stones." she recommended. "Where is your makeup box?"

"Makeup what?" I asked back surprised. _Makeup box? I don't even have that many cosmetics..._

"Your makeup box. Don't you keep them in a box or a bag?" Elly was kind of shocked to find out that the only makeup I used were all in natural colors, like peach blush, simple black eyeliner, white, brown and bronze eyeshadow and transparent lipgloss. "Don't tell me you don't have any cosmetics except these!"

"Well, I have some stuff in my bathroom as well." I admitted, but there weren't really that many. She didn't care, just ran there and messed everything up to find something 'non-casual'.

"That's it!" she screamed in excitement, and I didn't even have time to react, she already pressed the lipstick she found against my lips. After she was done doing my makeup (she ended up deciding to use the fuchsia lipstick that matched my skirt, and white eyeshadow with a cat-ish eyeline) and told me what she figured out for me, I didn't dare to look in the mirror. _That's not me. I don't look like this. I never use such a bright color on my lip, I don't make cat-ish eyes..._

"Come on, Tor, I know you wanna!" she begged as she pushed me towards the big mirror in the living room. I closed my eyes not wanting to see myself having this kind of makeup, but she forced me to open them, so I sighed and did it.

"T-That... is me?" I asked surprisedly, and pointed at myself in the mirror. I thought the lipstick and the eyeline would be too much and too harsh, but it actually looked pretty, and perfect for a... for a date.

"Yes, sweetie, that's you!" she smiled at me and put her hands on my shoulder. "What's the time?"

"Uhm... it's half past 11 I think..." I said, trying to understand what my clock said, but it was too far, I couldn't see it clearly.

"And when are you going to meet?"

"At noon." I answered. _Only half an hour left._

"Oh, so we have enough time to make your hair, too!" she screamed happily and dragged me back to the bathroom.

I've never seen any girl in her twenties being so excited about beauty stuff, she acted like a five-year-old, and even though she was kinda adorable acting like a child who thinks she's a fashion designer, I was afraid that she would make my hair look like Lady Gaga's or something. She curled it, straightened it, braided it; she basically did everything possible with it. After 15 minutes, she was finally done and turned me to the mirror again.

"What do you think?" she asked giggling. I had my hair curled in loose curls, fixed with little white hairpins. It looked like there were flowers in my hair...

"I'm just too pretty. I'm not used to look like this." I sighed.

"But you admitted you're pretty! Now get a girly purse and you're ready." she informed me, sitting down on my couch.

"I have this white one from my cousin's wedding, I think I still have it somewhere." I said as I peeked inside the boxes in the bottom of my closet. "Ah, here it is!"

"Pretty! Now you're ready for your date! Aren't you excited?" she asked, watching me putting some money, my phone, my ID card and some more important stuff in the purse.

"I'm more nervous than excited." I admitted sighing and looking at myself in the mirror for the last time before leaving my flat.

"Just act cool, and... if he's rude or something just leave." she told me, and I nodded. When we arrived downstairs, I looked out the window on the corridor's door.

"He's already there..." I whispered.

"Oh, c'mon! You're beautiful, kind, you have a good sense of humor; what else could you need? Go and meet him finally!" she ordered, completely forgetting about the fact that an hour before she was shocked when I mentioned Beck's name and she was worried that I'll get hurt again.

I waved her for the last time before crossing the street, and finally arriving at the mexican restaurant on the opposite of my flat. I saw Beck smiling at me, and I couldn't help but immediately returned his smile, and basically ran up to him – if running was possible in such high heels.

"Tori! It's great to see you again!" he said with a bright smile on his face.

"It's great to see you, too." I replied grinning, and I was just about to ask him about going inside the restaurant when he put his arms around me pulling me into a tight hug. I was kind of shocked, but hugged him back.

"You're pretty as always." he said, making my cheeks become as red as a tomato.

"You look good as well." I said, giving back his compliment. _Is he flirting with me? Gosh, don't! Please, don't!_

"Shall we go inside?" he asked after finally letting me go. I don't know why, the hug was unexpected yet very welcomed at the same time, I was shocked that he hugged me (well, even because he bothered to call me), but it was so warm and tight and I just didn't want to let go... It felt like he didn't want to either, though.

"Yeah, sure." I agreed, adjusting my skirt and holding it down before the wind could blow it. We stepped inside the restaurant, and that _real_ mexican morale just hit me: all the decorations, the music, the furnitures, the colors... everything was so mexican and I loved it. Before I could get enough of the sight of the place, Beck already found a table and waited there for me, so I shook my thoughts off and followed him. He pulled the chair out for me, and after I sat down, he pushed it back to the spot it was before, then he sat down on the opposite of me.

"I haven't been here in ages!" I said a little too excited as I grabbed one of the menus on the table and looked at the food list.

"But isn't it in front of your flat?" he asked, and took the other carte.

"It is." I admitted. It made him smile for some reason; but oh god, I love his smile so much! I couldn't help myself from smiling as well, so I rather looked down at the menu again before he could think I was acting weird.

"Have you decided what you're going to order?" he asked after a few minutes.

"No, I haven't... I really don't know. I just love the food here, I can't decide. What do you recommend?" I asked back. He looked up, then back at his carte, then up at me again.

"Queasadillas sounds good." he mumbled.

"Yeah, it does. I think I'll order that, thanks." I smiled slightly. He nodded barely visibly as a sign that I was welcome, then chose something for himself as well.

"Excuse me, have you decided what you're going to order?" A voice from behind me came, and I quickly turned around, only to see an old waiter with his notebook and a pen.

"Yes please, a tamale for me, and..." Beck started, but then stopped and looked at me.

"… and queasadillas for me." I finished his sentence. The waiter wrote it down then told us our lunch will be ready in 20 minutes and left us alone. The whole restaurant was almost completely empty, there were the two of us and a woman with her friend in the other corner of the room and it was really kind of awkward, because it really felt like a date.

"Hey, Tori, you there?" he asked waving a hand in front of my face, dragging me out of my thoughts.

"Ah, yes, I just looked around." I answered giving him a small smile.

"I just asked you about your life and job and stuff... Do you still sing?" He looked at me with so cute puppy dog eyes and I was just about to get lost in his stare, but I realized it wasn't a good idea so I quickly shook it off and tried to answer properly.

"Yes, sometimes. I'm not a singer, though. I just enjoy singing, I do it in my free time, you know..." I explained, looking down the whole time, trying to avoid that one flashback that really wanted to pop up to my mind in the worst moment.

_"You were amazing." Beck whispered in my ear as I put my arms around his neck, and he lifted me up and got me down from the stage. I was so happy and excited yet still nervous at the same time, and I just couldn't help but started crying. Just in the moment he put me down on the floor I could feel the first hot teardrop flowing down my cheeks, being followed by tons of other ones. "What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing. Everything is perfectly fine. I'm just so happy." I whispered back, smiling so wide that it might seemed forced. It was the third time when I performed in front of a big crowd, the first was the PMA's and the second was when I sang the national anthem, but it was different. It was in a theatre, a kind of smaller one, though, and I was in a musical, I remember I was the narrator. And everything went so perfect, it was unbelievable..._

_"Come on, don't cry! I know you're nervous, but there is no need to worry, you literally owned the night." he said, and his encouraging, kind words felt so calming and comforting, and it made me slowly stop crying. I wiped my tears away and put my arms around his neck again._

_"I love you so much." I whispered. He leaned his forehead against mine and looked me into the eyes, with one hand sliding up and down my waist and the another softly caressing my arm._

_"I know I already told you many times, but I will tell you once again. I love you more than you could ever imagine, you're the best person I've ever met and I'm so glad to have you as my girlfriend. Just please, never stop being yourself." he told me, his eyes never leaving mine, and I just felt like my heart melted. I wanted to say thank you and something nice in return, but I didn't have enough time to, he gently pressed his lips against mine, sliding his hand down from my arm to waist and pulling me closer._

_Even though the musical was already over, there were still some people in the room, and for my biggest surprise, they started applauding and 'aaww'-ing when they saw us kissing. Beck quickly stopped and pulled back, laughing embarrassed and letting go of me, only holding my hand._

_"How cute are they?" An older woman, probably at the end of her fifties asked another, younger woman, probably her daughter._

_"They are absolutely adorable." she answered, grabbing her purse and jacket and glancing at us one more time before leaving the theatre. Beck looked at me, and as he saw my confused and embarrassed face, he opened a wide smile at me, then cupped my cheeks between his hands, pulling me in for a brief, soft kiss._

_"You should go change into your casual clothes, then you could come with me. I have some cool movies in my RV." he said, letting go of me. I smiled at him brightly, then nodded._

_"Sure." I answered. I gave him a peck on his cheek before running up to stage and behind the scenes again to my changing room._

"I loved your voice, but you know, I'm somehow happy that you didn't become a singer. Being famous is not always good, you get all the hate, and paparazzis and everything... And you can't just say 'okay I have had enough, I quit it'." he informed me, playing with the menu.

"I can believe it. But you aren't a singer, are you?" I asked surprisedly. I thought if he was a singer I would have heard him in the radio, but I didn't at all.

"I'm not. I'm an actor, not that famous, though. But Jade was really famous already and I don't even know how." he sighed and I bit my lower lip. _Here this topic comes again_.

"I'm sorry." I pressed it out again. "But... isn't it bad for you to appear in public with another girl days after her... I mean, the accident?"

"I don't really care. People always make up new rumours, they come and fade." he shrugged. "And anyway, it's not a date, and I can tell it anyone, anytime. We're just good friends, aren't we?"

"We are." I nodded shyly.

* * *

I don't know why, but Tori seemed to be acting kind of weird and awkward with me, and it felt like she was hiding something. All her shy reactions and quiet talking – it wasn't the Tori I got to know in high school. I thought of asking her about it for a second, but I rather forgot this idea; it wouldn't be good to make her even less talkative with asking stupidity.

"Did the police call you already?" she suddenly asked. I shook my head, sighing.

"No... I mean, I guess they did, but my phone doesn't work in the UK so I couldn't answer it anyway." I shrugged. "The only thing I can do is watching the news and checking my e-mails a lot."

"Do you want me to ask my dad to tell me the information about the funeral and everything...?" she murmured, not looking at me, rather staring at something – probably the wall – behind me.

"Yes, please. Thanks." I said in the same loudness, even though I could barely hear myself. There was a long silence until I finally managed to speak up. "But what about you? How's life going?"

"It's fine I guess. I'm a psychologist, but it's weird, 'cause my only friend is Elly and I have some problems myself..." she explained tucking some hair behind her ear embarrassed. It was pretty shocking for me, I always thought she was a friendly and kind and sociable girl, but finding out that she's basically lonely and has problems... and says she has only one friend... I had a feeling that she didn't like me that much anymore and just pretended to be friends with me, just to make me feel better because Jade died...

"Is there anything I can help you with?" I finally asked, hoping that I could make her open up just for a little bit of time.

"Yes, I mean not really, it's a girly thing but if you want to know it then..." she shrugged, playing with the tablecloth. She acted suspiciously awkward near me and it made me really worried about her.

"I'd like to help if I can." I said, leaning a little closer and propping my arms on the table.

"Alright. It's not that bad, but still... You know I had some troubles with... with men in the past few years. I had many boyfriends, about fifteen this year and it makes me feel like a slut, I can't even explain how ashamed I am of myself but I can't help it. Here I am, a 24 year old woman who is single and everyone is in a happy relationship around her... And it makes me want to find the perfect man, but it really didn't work. Some of them cheated on me, lied to me, abused me or was too pushy and everything... And I feel like I will be alone for ever. After all, I lost faith in men, already months ago, and I don't know what to do. I want someone to be with me, but I can't find anyone who's worth it in my eyes. After the seventh boy who cheated on me or abused me, everyone I dated was meant to be a distraction from reality and from everything that happened around me, and then I felt like I was the one using them for selfish reasons and... that's it. The story of a whiny whore, Tori Vega." she finished her monologue, and I couldn't say a word for long minutes. The way she talked about herself was painful to hear, and all the things that happened to her were sad and disappointing as well, and even though I was supposed to give her advice or comfort her, I could only focus on the feelings that _I_ had: sorry, sadness, hatred for those who hurt her and I was disappointed more than ever. How could anyone be like that with her?

"I'm so sorry. I understand you, like really, I get why you did this all, and you really shouldn't feel like a slut, because you aren't one. You didn't... sleep together with all of them, I think, and I think you didn't steal them from someone else either, did you?" She shook her head. "You're amazing and if those jerks can't appreciate you they don't deserve you. And you deserve someone else, a lot better than them. Don't worry, he will come, you just have to wait."

* * *

I really don't know what happened and why was he so nice to me after the things that happened in college and what I did after that, but it was so good to know that someone bothered to have lunch with me and listened to my problems and was there with me when I needed them.

"Thank you." I said blushing, as I forced a smile. "I'm glad at least you think this way about me."

"Anytime, Tori." Beck said and shot me a bright smile, a real one, I could tell. It wasn't like mine. I didn't want to tell him that he was the reason that I became depressed and lost my mind for a while, it would ruin everything we had built up again in these 20 minutes, so I just stayed quiet about it.

"Here is your order!" the waiter yelled from the other corner of the room, like we were deaf – probably _he_ was half deaf, otherwise he wouldn't be talking so loud, but whatever. He walked up to our table and put our food in front of us, then immediately left, even though there were no other guests left then.

* * *

"Thank you." Tori said when we stopped in front of her flat's door.

"For what?" I asked surprisedly.

"For this great afternoon we spent together. Seriously. You made my day." she said smiling, and I noticed that she reached out towards me, but let her arm fall back to her side before she could touch my hand – and I had no idea what to think about it, but she didn't let me opine about this for so long: the next thing I saw was her standing in her flat's doorway, half inside and half outside, looking at me waiting for an answer before finally getting inside.

"You're welcome. If you want to talk, just call me, you know, I'm staying here for almost two more weeks..." I told her, hoping that she would get what I meant, wanting to meet her again.

"Alright. I'll make sure to call you as soon as I get a chance to do it, okay?" she asked, giving me a slight smile.

"Okay. And if you want to come over..." I started but she cut me off.

"Really, I wanted to ask you, where are you staying? In a hotel?" she asked again, backing off from the jamb and closing the door again.

"No, my cousin, Amanda and her family live here and they invited me, so I'm staying at her house." I explained. She nodded and glanced at her flat's door before turning back to me.

"Well, if you want to stay or something, you're always welcome here." she shrugged with a smile on her face.

"Thanks." I replied running a hand through my hair. "But I guess I will leave now... It's getting dark and I'm not used to London, I might get lost if I go home at night..."

"I can walk you home if you want to!" she offered, getting a little too excited over it.

"No, thanks, I'll be fine. I don't want you to walk home at night." I said, and I decided to end this topic, so I grabbed her wrist and gave her a quick kiss on her cheek before saying 'goodnight', turning around and walking down the stairs.

**Aahh, I finally finished this one, too! I'm sorry for the long wait, but I was really busy in the past few weeks (phew) and I didn't have time to work on this chapter. Anyway I hope you liked it, and as always I'm sorry for the mistakes I made, whether they are grammar or spelling or any other mistakes, I'm trying to improve my English, and I don't know if it works or not.**

**Also, there are kind of many 'mysteries' in this story, not only the Jade thing, but the things that happened in the past, you could see Tori thinking about „the things that happened in college and what she did after that", and I wonder if you're interested in them? Because if you are, after I finish this story I can write a few chapters about what happened then, and then I could start the sequel, because I've already planned that, too. Or if you aren't, I could write some flashbacks at random points so I wouldn't have to make a separated story for it. What do you think, which one is better? Please, include your opinion in your review, and as always, I ask you to pretty pretty please, review the chapter because it means a lot to me! :)**


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